This is a guest post from Kelly Cooper, MS, CFY-SLP. She is a Speech Language Pathologist trained in providing in-home speech therapy sessions that involve the whole family.

I work with a diverse group of students through a downtown St. Paul charter school. My job is to teach students, some with challenging behaviors, new skills; like naming synonyms to given vocabulary words or how to pronounce the “k” sound. I have a very large caseload, and I see kids back-to-back. My days are spent running around the school, going from classroom to classroom, picking up students, placing them at a desk where we drill, drill, drill. I have 20 minutes twice a week with each student to teach a new skill.

Sound exhausting? Let’s look at this situation through the eyes of a kindergartener.

I hear my name and look up. My speech teacher stands at the door waving one hand while she holds her clipboard in the other. I don’t want to leave my class. We are listening to my favorite story. My teacher directs me to go, so I get up and walk to the door. We head down the stairs, enter her tiny room stuffed with toys and games. She presents a stack of “k” word flashcards, and… Oooh, Candyland! Before I take a turn I have to say three words. My speech teacher doesn’t have to say any words before her turn. We run out of time before we finish the game, but I get a sticker for saying my words. And we head back to class. Maybe I didn’t miss the end of the story?

This scenario doesn’t feel good for the kindergartner, or for me. So when I first attended a 5 Polka Dot workshop, I was inspired. There really is a way to promote speech development and have fun at the same time. And it’s all about gaining attention through shifting brain chemistry. And bingo, your kid’s brain is ready to learn.

I immediately modified the way I structure my therapy sessions. I allow the child to choose the activity and direct the session, and I teach a new skill though PLAY which moved from a desk to the floor. Since therapy is about more than fun, it’s important to know that behaviors in my kids have decreased, and speech results have increased.

I use strategies from the MOTIVATE polka dot to grab my kids’ attention, which puts their body into “stay and play” mode. Other students in class now raise their hand when they see me at the door, and ask if I will take them to “play.” And those 20-minute sessions? More of that time is spent in active therapy because my lucky “play-mates” are leaping up to get started.

Are you sick and tired of prompting your child to “use your words?”As nationally certified and licensed Speech Language Pathologists, we know the feeling! We weren’t professionally trained to stop a child mid-action with a serious, expectant look while prompting with this over-used phrase, but it sure feels like it. We’re sick of it too, and found that it only caused more frustration. So today we’re sharing a new way to inspire language in your child.
Next time your child is reaching, grunting or crying for an item of interest, walk over and take it in your hands. With the item just out of your child’s reach give her the exact words to say. For example:

• Your daughter is gesturing toward the Dora book on the top shelf. You grab it, face her squarely and along with eye contact simply say, “I want Dora.”
• Pause as she looks at you (or the book).
• Give her a moment to repeat your phrase.
• If she doesn’t (yet) say, “I want Dora,” one more time and gently hand it over.

When kids are given a model of words to use (and enough time to respond), they will begin to “use their words” as the pattern for requesting grows in their brain. No questions asked.
And that pesky phrase? Watch it fly into the things-my-parents-used-to-say-that-I-ignore bin. Kinda where it belongs, right?

For more great tips like these, explore our Brightening Connections blog archives on our lovely new web site!

Paul, a five-year-old with a severe language delay, and I sit in a tiny school janitor’s closet that was recently converted into a therapy room, with his speech pathologist, Mrs Z. I’ve been hired by his parents to observe his speech therapy at school with hopes of providing useful insight into why he still uses only two-word combinations.

As the three of us sit at the adult-sized table Mrs Z begins by taking out vocabulary flashcards and asking him, “What’s this?” Paul responds with using one to two words at a time, officially meeting his language “goal” of labeling items with 95% accuracy. Mrs Z beams a smile at him and our 20 minutes are up. She briskly ushers us out the door and we head out for recess.

On the playground, I coordinate a game of four-square with modified rules. I’m curious if Paul’s language will increase if we are playful rather than serious. Excitedly, I set up the rules. Before every “serve” the child in square one must share two of his favorites with the players. Two turns later after his peers shared things such as, “My favorite animal is my black lab,” and “I really love macaroni and cheese for lunch,” Paul landed in square one.

Paul looks at everyone, inhales and states, “ My favorite toy Spiderman,” and “Love eat peanut butter sandwich.”

Success! Using natural kid motivators like peers, play and movement, Paul’s language advances in a fun and casual way.

Paul’s mom was thrilled with this “break through,” and signed up for in-home speech therapy where she learned to be the expert in inspiring speech development in her son.

May is Better Speech, Language & Hearing month. So if you’ve been wondering, “Why is my child’s speech therapy taking years?!” find a speech therapist that customizes interventions to your child and family. It’s fun, there’s no flashcards and you’ll delight in hearing all the chitter chatter of little voices!

You know that mom who’s using the car seat to restrain her child as piercing screams soar through the parking lot? That was me on too many days. Often, I would have to haul my child out to the car, shove him into his car seat as he flailed and wailed, and I sobbed in frustration.

My son has autism and getting to the many appointments he needed and running errands could be an exhausting and soul crushing experience. But the worst part was my constant worry, “What happens when he’s too big to force into a car seat?”

I won’t pretend there was a magic solution to this intermittent problem. But through establishing a routine, simplifying our days, things did get easier. Still, there were times when no amount of advanced preparation or even bribes worked. And then I discovered something.

My son loves numbers. He’s a little math whiz and by adapting a common parenting tool, I discovered a way to motivate him and help him through transitions. I simply counted down.

• First I made my request, “We need to leave in five minutes.”
• Then I set up my expectations, “In three minutes you need to put on your shoes, and we’re going to get in the car.”
• I’d follow up with a warning, “You have one minute, and then you need to stop x activity so we can leave.”
• And finally, “It’s time to go.”
• Then I’d wait ….
• “OK, I’m going to count to three. And then I’ll have to pick you up. One… Twoooo” Usually in the middle of a long “two” my son would look at my held-up fingers and before the third one could pop up, he’d move. Never wanting me to get to three.

Rarely, I would have to follow through on the consequence of picking him up. But that has faded over time. Now we can get out the door, usually before I even start the count-down. And I’m so glad, because today, he’s way too big for a car seat.

Need help discovering your child’s motivation? Access our Parent Coaching services. We’ll help you tailor strategies that meet your family’s specific needs.

Autism awareness means a lot of different things to different people. It means more funding for research and services, it means treatments being covered by insurance, it means more service providers and that teachers are aware of how to support your child’s unique learning style. But as a parent, awareness to me means something more subtle and at times, even more important. It means feeling welcome in my community.

To get my son out the door for something non-routine takes a lot of planning, talking and energy. A trip to the mall can take two days of negotiations, one detailed day schedule, four behavior supports, three fights and a final tug out the door.

Imbedded into the outing is an activity solely for my son – special food, gross motor break or a kid activity. So these outings are definitely not “me time.” But they do serve a purpose. I cannot let my son get into a rigid mindset that includes staying at home. Even one day spent solely in the house, means that the next time we want to leave is much harder. So I rack my brain for little outings that will get us out, be fun, and fill us with warm memories – you know, the ones that most families enjoy.

But too often visions of happy family outings come crashing down when my son has an unexpected reaction. Noises are too big, the surroundings are too busy, someone keeps getting in his face, and he speaks too loudly, starts to cry or moves his body in “odd” ways. These are all coping strategies of his. And usually they are fine. But in mixed company? Not so much.

It’s like I can hear the inner voices that accompany the stares and looks from other people: “Why can’t they control their son?” “I wouldn’t let my child act that way.” “He’s a little old for tantrums.” “Parents these days.”

So here’s a nice memory of mine that might help you the next time you’re feeling a little “judgy.” (Because we’re all guilty of doing that to other parents, aren’t we?)

Practice acceptance, actively. Like the woman who saw my son walking in circles, not responding to my pleas to come back; who knelt down and spoke softly enough that he stopped, looked at her and became transfixed. In a world that is overwhelming and chaotic to him, she created a small pocket of calm. She distracted him just long enough for me to wrangled his little brother back into the stroller. She stood, gave me a warm smile and said, “You have the most beautiful children. So bright.” And I almost cried. From relief…from gratitude and joy.

So during autism awareness month, I ask as a mom, that you see those with autism. They are everywhere. And instead of judging them and their families, create a moment in which you accept them. It’s as easy as asking yourself, “I wonder what they’re dealing with?” And in that pocket of compassion, we all thrive.

Autism can be perplexing and overwhelming – meltdowns, rigidity and mysterious behaviors. This month we’re diving into that “puzzling” world and raising a bit of awareness; for parents of these unique kids and all of us.

rainbowImagine a three-year old who is unable to talk but wants a glass of juice. How can she get one? She’s too small to lift the jug out of the fridge, so instead she finds the nearest big person, drags them by the hand and stops at the fridge. After repeated questioning from her big person on what she wants and not getting it due to: dinner almost being ready, juice being “all gone,” or simple misunderstanding the three-year old throws a fit. Not just any fit; a screaming, tear-the-walls down meltdown that lasts for 45 minutes with “big person” bearing the burden.

Now imagine a 19-year old who talks but doesn’t understand the social rules of communication. So he rambles about the things he likes, reciting philosophy resembling a college professor and totally misses the body language of his female peer who only listens out of politeness and waits for the moment she can duck out of the interaction. And, like the three-year old, who is misunderstood and can’t get her point across, he, too has a meltdown. But his meltdown looks more like social withdrawal, video game addiction and severe depression from year after year of poor social outcomes.

Autism is a topic near and dear to the heart of Brightening Connections. After all, it’s the reason our company was born…to change the way speech therapy was run with children on the spectrum. In our nine years specializing in Speech Therapy and autism, we’ve helped hundreds of parents connect with children using integrated techniques from child development, language, sensory integration and energy medicine. Today we wish to share some secrets.

Every child or adult with autism has the potential to be successful in his life dreams when you stimulate the right parts of the brain. Using techniques from the holistic 5 Polka Dots approach every parent has the ability to grab their child’s attention and shift him out of stress/overwhelm mode and into a state of learning. What kind of learning? You name it and it’s possible: eye contact, carrying on a real conversation, going to sleep at a normal hour, sitting as a family at the dinner table, obtaining a professional job and living independently.

The foundation for this success, however, is something that mainstream therapies don’t often recognize, that is getting your child’s attention. Without engagement in a task the instruction you provide isn’t retained so you end up teaching the same lesson over and over and over. From engagement/attention you have the foundation needed for the emotional limbic system to grow strong connections and understand meaning. From that platform a child is able to learn the higher level cognitive skills of language, transitioning, handling frustration and solving problems.

There are so many ways to stimulate the brain and grab attention, which allows your child to grow into independence. Since it’s the season of “April showers,” we offer you these indoor activities:

• 1-3 year old: rhythmically bounce on an exercise ball to a native American drum beat

• 4-6 year old: wheelbarrow walk from one end of the living room to the other, depositing a favorite toy into a bucket

• 7-13 year old: try 10 kid yoga poses. Check out these great Yoga Cards for easy ideas.

• 14+ year old: 20 minutes of any type of continuous exercise (research shows 20 minutes per day is what it takes to release happy chemicals and shift brains into a state of awareness/alertness)

Children and adults with autism have unique brain wiring, and we celebrate them for the gifts the bring: honesty, directness, a strong sense of personal values, focused interests and commitment. And we can all learn something from them. So as we raise awareness throughout our communities this month; stay aware of your child’s autism and how you can shift their brain from fight or flight into calm. It’s how we access all those amazing gifts.

CliningingWhich pediatrician certified “play” scheme this time? Where are the Montessori blocks, the “feelings” dolls and the build-you-own tepee kit? This is going to be a long day. As Moms we do a lot. And we want our kids to have the brightest futures possible, so we plan, monitor and supervise strict educational play time for our kiddos, every day… But where’s the fun in all that “play”? And where, oh where, will you get the energy (or ideas) for round two?

Relax, take some pressure off and let your child do the “work!” When you follow your child’s lead in play rather than devising a complicated adult-type activity, you not only grow her brain but you get relief from being the “Mommy TV.” Special programming on 24/7, right? Share in one parent’s glow after she released herself from the entertainment trap:

“I love playing without “pressure”! Play does not feel draining to me now, and I think my daughter is happier to have the time to explore and figure things out. Slowing down and not “leading the play” has been key. I used to think she was just not the “exploring kind,” and I look at her now and feel so fortunate that I got the education to change my play so that she now has room and time to explore. It has really made a difference.

It only took a few days of “Samantha play” before I felt like there was a change in how Laura played on her own and felt around other people. In only a few days (but more so in one week), she started to explore differently than ever before, coming up with solutions to challenges or new ways to play without asking for my help or presence. She started to be better about playing alongside me while my attention was focused on making dinner, for example. I was surprised. I did not expect “results” so quickly.

That same week on Friday we went to the zoo. There I saw something that felt big: she was running, on her own, down on the ground while I was pushing the stroller, without holding my hand or pulling my legs asking to get a hug when people would approach us. She just ran alone, taking in the world for quite a long way, even when the scenery of random people changed in to a pretty heavy crowd. Being surrounded by this crowd got her attention but it did not change her disposition or make her feel insecure like I expected. On a couple of occasions, some people bumped into her and even then she did not “panic” but calmly looked for me, got closer to me, assessed the situation and when she felt it was safe to go back out, she continued on her way, happily!!! I gave her some verbal encouragement but that was all. I was in awe.”

So try it. Let your child do her own “work” during simple play and see first-hand how she develops confidence rather than clinginess. And you can start storing up all the energy that was previously going down the “entertain drain.”

I do NOT like being told what to do.  While I’m less apt to blurt out, “No!,” and stalk away now that I’m “all grown up,” I still strongly resist situations in which I’m not in control. Sound like any two-year-olds you know? While it makes you clench your fists in annoyance, there is a gift in this phase (and this life-long temperment trait).

I can freely access my own creativity. In whatever I seek to accomplish, I jump in whole-heartedly because the ideas are all mine. Two-year-olds are always invested in their own ideas and jump into self-directed activities with wild abandon. It’s invigorating… usually. But it’s also easy to forget to follow their lead once in a while. Yesterday, I got a good reminder:

As I played with a pair of two year olds today, who just love pretending to drink from anything that looks drinkable… a plastic cup, my empty tea mug, a tiny red toy ketchup bottle…I recognized a similar quality of creativity in their game.  Even though I, as an adult, may not feel overly excited at having objects thrust by tiny hands up to my mouth with a demand that I “sip” over and over again (right?), I know that this is a two-year-old’s way of being creative. Their brains are maturing through this play. They develop longer attention spans, turn taking, sharing, and pretend play skills. And here’s an added bonus: By following their lead and indulging in the games that are fun for them, I am off the hook. No need for me to develop fun and educational play activities. Nice, huh?

The best way to play with your two-year-old? Relax, and follow his lead. You’ll know you’re on the right path by his shrieks of laughter and twinkling eyes. So instead of spoiling their game on account of my adult boredom, I jump in whole-heartedly, pinkie up, grab the nearest toy dump truck with the empty yellow bucket in back and joyfully “SSSSSiiiiiip!”

Meaningful change is hard, especially when it involves shifting perspectives. Often, creating structure around change helps your mind enter a new space. For me, a whole week of healthy home-cooked meals is most likely to happen when I buy, chop and store my veggies in Pyrex containers on Sunday afternoon. To shift your family perspective from negative to positive it’s important to first create a reliable structure.

I suggest a morning affirmation that you post on your mirror and say aloud for a fresh start to each day. Try one of these (or make up your own):

• I truly and deeply accept my family as we are.
• My family is whole, healthy and complete.
• My family expands in abundance, success and love every day as we inspire those around us to do the same.

Striving for independence can look pretty ugly, but it doesn’t have to feel that way.

Two-year olds. They are so sweet and still cuddly with that hint of babiness still hanging around their edges. But my goodness, that can all change in an instant. And suddenly, you are painfully aware of why the phrase “terrible two’s” exists.

It’s easy to ignore the tantrums (okay, not so easy, but do-able) and to establish a “time out” system, but truly understanding why two turns your sweet, sweet baby into a terror means stepping back and delving into child development.

Two is when children begin to realize that they are separate from us. This is when they strive for indepence. It’s a huge year for growth, learning and becoming uniquely “them.” But all that growth doesn’t come easily. And since you are the one they are separating from, you get the bulk of the ugly. You also get the bulk of the backlash clinginess that comes from this natural separation.

When I was four months old my Mom left me to go to Hawaii on vacation with my Dad. Ever since then I whimpered, whined and cried, frazzling my otherwise patient mother. Finally, at the age of two, she hauled me in to the pediatrician because surely something was hurt, broken or just plain wrong. All the way there I softly whimpered from my car seat, yet the doctor assured her nothing was medically wrong.

My mom needed an answer – today – so she called wise Auntie Nona, who raised nine of her 11 siblings after her parents died, as well as her own four children, for any idea that might help. Auntie Nona knows her stuff!  Born in rural Wisconsin in the 1930’s, she solved problems by listening to her intuition and reading books on natural medicine.  No vaccinations, Tylenol or convenience foods in her world! This tough Finnlander doled out prescriptions for rest, cool wash clothes, homemade meals and foot rubs.

Our “city” remedies of over-the-counter meds, Sprite in case of tummy ache or special visits to the doctor couldn’t touch what was “wrong” with me. But Auntie Nona knew.

“Next time Sammy comes around crying just reach down and give her a hug.”

“A hug?  She’s always hanging on my leg.  How’s a hug going to help?”

“Try it, you’ll see.”

They said their good-byes and I love you’s and both hung up to get supper ready. And almost immediately here I come, crying to Mom. She looked down at me – exasperated for all that I am – took a deep breath, bent down and gave me an extra special hug.

And I?… stop whining. My body relaxed and my round little two-year-old face brightened up as if nothing was ever wrong. Off I toddled to play.

Mom learned something that day. She learned that growth is hard for kids and sometimes what we need in order to become independent is a firm foundation from which to do it. A simple hug, gave me all I needed to go off on my own, content in knowing that I was loved.

Giving your two-year-old the spring board they need to launch themselves into independence may not seem as easy as a well-timed hug, but chances are that the answer lies in their most frustrating behavior. So take some time to watch. Look at their behavior as a plea for independence and a symptom of growing pains, instead of something to “fix.” And you’ll soon discover what they need.  Attend our Move workshop to strengthen your detective skills and discover what is at the root of challenging behaviors.  This will save you time, energy and frustration by turning you into an expert of “hidden” sensory needs.

Before you know it, the “terribles” will be extinguished, and you’ll be enjoying the delights of two. There are so many.